OK, I finally found a phone booth. Now, I just have to find a parking space and put some money in the meter. "Excuse me, do you have change for a five? No.".…"Excuse me, do you have change for a five? Well you too pal!" Run into the variety store. Buy a pack of gum and get change.

This phone booth smells like a goat's been living here. At least there's a handset, even a dial tone. No phone book. I'll dial the Operator and she'll connect me with The Phone Company's repair department. Got to get my phone fixed.

Dial O. "This is an automated operator. This feature is no longer available. Please deposit 25 cents and dial the number you wish to contact. Have a good day and thanks for using The Telephone Company."

"Son of a %#@*&+%Gi#!!" Deposit 25 cents and dial directory assistance. "Directory Assistance, this is an automated service. Please say the name of the town you wish to call?…...I'm sorry, 'Phone Repair' is not a town listed in our directory. Please hang up and try again."

Deposit 25 cents. Call a friend and have them look up the Telephone Company's repair number. Answering machine. Deposit 25 cents and call another friend. Write number on arm. "Thanks for the help. Yes I know, I am a little tense!"

Now, to call the repair department. Damn, I'm out of change. Back across the street to buy more gum. "Don't you have anything smaller than a twenty, bud?"….."Yah, well same to you, see if I shop here again!"

OK, dial the repair department. "Repair Department. This is an automated answering system. If this is an emergency call 911. Otherwise select one of the following options. If the problem is with a business phone press one. If the problem is with a residential phone press two. If the problem is with a phone in a corrections facility press three."

Press two. "Residential repairs. Listen carefully you have three options. If you have dug up one of our cables, while doing something stupid, press one and we'll connect you to our legal department. If a wire has fallen down and is sparking and flailing about do not go near it. Instead, touch two on your phone and one of our specially trained consultants will interview you and attempt to establish why it was your fault that it fell down. If your home phone has no dial tone make sure it's plugged in properly and then press three."

Press three. "Thank you for calling The Phone Company. One of our service representatives will be with you shortly, please hold." Finally I'm getting somewhere. That music is so peppy. Sounds like Elton John on steroids. It makes me feel like the rep is going to get something done on my problem. I'm confident and peppy myself, even though I've been on hold now for seventeen and a half minutes.

Ring, ring. "Repairs. My name is Marvin. How may I help you?" "Marvin thank god I'm finally talking to a real human being. Listen my phone's not working. Can you send someone out to look at it?"

"Just a minute sir. I'll run a diagnostic and see if the line is working, please hold." "Marvin don't put me on hold! Marvin!! MARVIN!!!" He put me on hold. No more Elton John…. Eighteen minutes on hold listening to New Age Relaxation music. Starting to feel sort of OK. Like the Universe will unfold whatever way it should. Powerlessness isn't necessarily bad. It's my opportunity to meld with The One. I feel like letting go of expectations and outcomes and swimming with the current, wherever it takes me.

"Marvin here again. Sorry to have kept you waiting." "That's OK Marvin, I didn't have anything better to do. That's nice music, who does it? Oh the computer makes it up based on a psychological deconstruction of my voice and uses subliminal chord progressions to alter my biorhythm. That's nice. So why did you call Marvin? Right I called you. Oh the diagnostic shows the line is working fine, but you'll put me through to the Repair Department Supervisor and see if he has any suggestions. Thanks Marvin. Sure I'll hold." What a nice guy.

I know this music. Where have I heard it before? Right. Uncle Bob's funeral. Boy it's a long song. Fourteen minutes and still going. Yawn. I feel so tired and hopeless. Like nothing really matters. Who cares if my phone works? In the big picture my little problems are meaningless.

"Service Supervisor, Roger speaking. How may I help you?" "Roger if the world ended tomorrow would any of this really matter. I mean if my phone isn't working will it make any difference say 200 years from now?" "I know what you mean sir. I was just about to go on my lunch break. Could you hold till I get back?" "No problem Roger."

That gentle humming on the line is so relaxing. Like a big, warm, fuzzy cat purring in my ear. Everything is as it should be. Oh look they're towing my car away. I'll wave to the tow truck driver. Maybe throw him a kiss. Oh look he's coming over here and shaking his fist at me. I'll just listen to this humming in the headset until he gets tired of swearing at me and goes away.