Wanted: Set designer for big budget production, now shooting, in a Middle East country. Applicant must have experience creating realistic laboratory simulations. Previous experience working on a bio-threat thriller, like 'Outbreak', preferred. Must be able to pass a strenuous background security check.

Call me cynical, but I'm sure the US is going to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, one way or another. They have to. It's the only excuse they still have, for stomping the place into the 4^th world.

But you know, with the US Media's credibility stretched further than Pinocchio's nose, there is no way most of us are going to believe any evidence they come up with, no mater how compelling. Any proof that Saddam has been playing with bad bugs will come off looking like a grassy knoll in Roswell.

E-gab is already speculating on how the black bag boys are going to get 'the evidence' from Burbank to Baghdad, so the In-breeds can be funneled to the scene, for some on-the-spot info-massaging.

One day, George the Younger will need to shift the public's attention away from some embarrassing issue, like their nations multi-billion dollar debt. An eager Psych-Op type will give us the tour of a mystery factory, or a bunker beneath one of Saddam's palaces, where incriminating evidence has been 'uncovered'.

The lads from reality TV will walk us through the bombed out facility. They'll show us the rooms filled with machinery to prepare 'the stuff'-complete with ovens and refrigeration units to cook and store it.

There will be old biohazard suits hanging on the wall, like space gear from an old science fiction movie. Witnesses will describe the late night arrival of black trucks and limos with tinted windows. There will be satellite photos of 'military buses' parked next to a mosque, to avoid US bombs.

We'll hear the description of a mysterious aliment that causes the local goat population to become unruly and belligerent. And an affliction that makes the village smokers go into uncontrolled coughing fits.

Back in the studio, the newsreader will trot out the government supplied bio-war experts, to tell us what to think. Any similarity between what we've seen and an old bread bakery doctored up with a few props, will be quickly dismissed. The mysterious white powder in a burlap sack and the yeasty blob in the corner will be analyzed and declared dangerous to human consumption.

Bush will go on the air, from his palace. The flag will be waiving in the background and junior will dish out the apple pie, while demonizing Saddam. He'll give us his told you so talk, applaud the liberation of the people of Iraq and their oil. By the time the next commercial roles around all the carnage and waste will be vindicated and justified.

But maybe I'm making this whole scenario too complicated. Maybe they won't need to go to all the fuss of creating a bio-set over in Iraq. After all, there are plenty of real facilities they could use, back in the good old US of A. Places were, no doubt, right at this moment, they're creating ways to eradicate human life, more heinous than anything even Saddam could imagine.

Which makes me ask the question: How do we define weapons of mass destruction? Could it be thousands of laser-guided bombs and cruise missiles falling on cities? Maybe it's hundreds of tanks churning their way through the countryside, ripping up the ecosystem of an entire nation?

And for a little history lesson-can we tell the class the name of the only country in the world that has ever nuked a city. Incinerating hundreds of thousands of civilians in a moment of white-hot light. Lovers embracing in a final moment of terror. Children turned to ash, as they sat at their school desks.

I wonder what message this is sending to all the little countries in the world? Could it be-if you want to keep the Empire from invading, you better have something serious and nasty, to protect yourself. Because it's ironic that if Iraq really had any WMD, the US might not have attacked them. I'm worried it's too late to stop some of our dictators from realizing that a good offence is often the best defense. Just ask Kim the Younger in North Korea.