"Bonjour, Good Day. How may I help you?" (Voice of a young woman answering the phone.)

"Le'me talk to Prime Minister Poutine," (Man's voice, Texas accent.)

"I'm sorry sir, you must have the wrong number. This is the office of the Prime Minister of Canada, Mr. Paul Martin."

"Well, le'me talk to him then!"

"He's a very busy man. Who should I say is calling?"

"It's the President!"

"Oh Mr. President it's an honor. My family uses all your products. Especially those cooking sauces from around the world."

"What you going on about girl? This here is George W. Bush, President of the United States of America, not some grocery clerk. Let me talk to Mary Martin!"

"Just a second sir. By the way his name is Paul Martin."

"Mary, Paul, what's the difference. He's French isn't he? Laughter in the background. We hear Colin Powell's voice.

"That's a good one Georgie!"

"Theoretically yes, Sir, he is from Quebec. Hold for a minute."

"Hello! Hello! Jehosifat, that girl put me on hold. Me the most powerful man in the world and she put me on hold. I talk direct to God every day and he never done that to me! Colin I want you to invade Canada. Them Commie, pot smoking, girlie men have pissed me off for the last time."

"Mr. President we can't invade Canada. They're on our side. Besides I'm pretty sure we own it already."

"Have they got any oil?"

"Lots, but they're letting us have it."

"Well, let's draw up some plans just in case. Keep those boys at the Pentagon busy."

"Actually, I think we already have a plan for invading Canada, but I'll have them update it."

"Good afternoon Mr. President. Paul Martin here. It's a pleasure to hear from you."

"Martin? That's a bird isn't it? The Purple Martin. You've got all those animals and flowers on your money. Now you got a bird for Prime Minister." Bush laughs and we hear laughter again in the background.

"That's a good one Mr. President, very humorous. To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?"

"Hang on a second. Colin what'd I call him for, I forgot?" Whispering in the Background.

Bush comes back on the line. "We got some serious things to talk about Bird Guy! Like defending America from terrorists who hate our way of life and want to destroy democracy and freedom. People who'll stop at nothing to see grown men wearing wedding dresses and holding hands in the street. You hear what I'm saying? My people here tell me you're letting same sex individuals enter into the holy state of matrimony, which is in the eyes of God an A'-bomb a nation, situation! That's why we got nuclear weapons and we know how to use them. Colin here's got the button I can press and it'll blow up the whole world. He let's me keep it on my desk beside Ron Reagan's jellybeans. Show him Colin."

"It's telephone Georgie. He can't see it"

"Oh yah, right."

"Well Mr. President I'm sure none of us want to see you blow up the world."

"Ha! Scared ya didn't I. Just a minute while I figure out why I called you. Who took my script? Dangit! Colin get my script….. OK. So here's what I'm calling about. Sikorskys! What's that Colin, something to do with pickles? Cause if it is, I want Polish pickles. They're the best. Ask Laura. She'll tell you. "

"I assume you're calling about the new helicopters we just purchased from Sikorsky Aircraft Corp."

"Right, that's it. Says here in my script, I'm supposed to thank you for buying American. I know that's good cause I've driven vehicles made in the good old US of A all my life. They were mostly pickup trucks mind you. Almost flew a jet fighter in the National Guard but Dad said it was too dangerous and that I'd probably break it somehow. Anyway, glad to see you're finally playing ball and doing something to fight terrorism by buying equipment from us."

"Well Mr. President, Canada has a long history of working for peace through the United Nations!"

"Fat chance Martie, the UN's just a bunch of pinkos trying to take over the world with their One World Government. They don't fool me. Besides that's America's job. We got the Manifest Destiny says the world belongs to us. What's that Colin? We only own the Western Hemisphere. You mean we don't own it all? Dang!"

"Most of the rest of the world would disagree with that Mr. Bush."

"We'll see about that Martie. Anyhow here's what were going to do for you, for buying American made hardware. We're going to let you participate in Star Wars. Anybody gives you a hard time you just call me and I'll zap em. Just like Captain Kirk on the Enterprise. 'Fire the photon torpedoes Scottie'. Captain Kirk is a real American."

"Actually Mr. President, the actor who played Captain Kirk is a Canadian."

"Isn't!"

"Is so!"

"Isn't, isn't, isn't! I said it three times so it ain't true. Them's the rules. Right Colin? Three times and I win?"

"That's right Georgie. Three times and you win. I think I hear Laura calling with your afternoon snack. You know how mad she gets if we ignore her."

"She's got a real bad temper Colin. You stay right here with me in case she yells at me."

"I'll be right here don't worry. But for now I think it's time to say goodbye Georgie."

"OK Colin. Goodbye Georgie."

"Good bye Mr. Bush. Thank you for calling."