A recent Letter to the Editor urged Canadians to join the US, against 'the nest of snakes in Baghdad'. "If everyone
else stuck their hand in a viper's hole, would you too?" she might ask. The letter writer's response would probably be, "Ah
gee Mom, they're my friends!"
Well mom would be quick to tell the Canuck that a real pal tells a friend, when he's doing something stupid,
not just go along. And the other guy, if he really is a friend, listens without getting all nasty and vengeful.
Now no one can deny, there is ample evidence the Baghdad Viper has been biting some of his own nestlings and
snapping at his neighbors, as well. But so far, herpetologists have failed to prove that Snakous Saddamas was indigenous to
the late great Twin Towers-or involved in any other attacks on the Empire, in recent years.
It's true that the head viper of Baghdad was hand raised, in the Bush-CIA snake school and turned feral, biting
the hand that trained and armed him. Bush the Junior is now trying to rectify daddy's mistake, by blasting every snake in
sight-whether it's a harmless garter or malicious cobra.
Rumor has it, like worms, these particular desert snakes, when cut in half, carry on as two new snakes. And
although the experts examined the nesting area before eradication began, they found no sign of the dread "Big Fangs", Washington
claims they have developed.
So habitat destruction continues. The boys at CENTCOM, pumping out the PSYCHCOM, assure us they'll have the
den expunged shortly. But it's more likely they're turning the whole world into one giant breeding ground, filled with suicide
biters, itching for revenge.
Procreation is nature's survival strategy. When a species is threatened, it responds by rapidly creating more
of it's own kind-all the while adapting, learning and getting meaner.
The folks at the Pentagon might learn something, by observing Viperous Palestinious-to see what they've probably
stirred up. The Israelis drove them out of their nesting area, in 1947, and have been plagued by deadly bitings ever since,
as they struggle to regain their habitat.
Those at Eradication Central assure us the de-infestation process is on schedule and going as planned. In the
end (with God's help) we will prevail. Stiff resistance is temporary. Let's just hope the Bush remedy isn't just one more
example of over-hyped snake oil.
