Welcome to the National Necktie Museum. I see that some of our visitors are wearing ties. This gentleman has a nice picture of Elvis painted on his. A birthday gift from your kids. That's very nice. I like the way his eyes follow me.

If you'll walk this way, I'd like to draw your attention to the first display. Fashion historians tell us that the tie appeared just after the Stone Age, as Homo sapiens began domesticating animals. The "rope collar" you see here was first use to restrain reluctant animals and servants. It became a symbol that the wearer was either a slave or a criminal.

We next discover the tie in ancient Egypt. In this display we see a miniature reconstruction of the Egyptian Sphinx, which some scholars believe sported a tie, before it was eroded by weather and vandalism. It was a symbol of the male fertility god Phallus. It is still part of the uniform worn by aging male members of a secret North American fraternity.

Next we see a reconstruction of an archeological dig from the city of Pompeii. There is evidence that the tie was popular with ancient Romans and used by local couples as a spontaneous bedroom play-toy. In this display we see one famous senator, in the boudoir of a local woman of reputation. Notice that he is tied up with his own neckerchief.

The first written mention of fashion neckwear is in the Druid works known as the Haberdashery Chronicles. The now famous expression, 'If the tie fits, wear it.' has led historians to believe that the early inhabitants of The British Isles had a highly evolved culture based on clothing wisdom. They developed the first guidelines for when to wear white and how to use vertical stripes to make yourself look thinner.

The tie gained popularity in 14th century Italy when a housewife named Mona Lota decided that she was sick and tired of scrubbing spaghetti sauce out of her husband's shirts. "Aye Luigi," she told him one day. "You gonna wear this napkin around your neck when we go out for dinner or I gonna slap you up side the head!" The neck napkin was an instant fashion success, and the _expression, "I gonna slap you up side the head," became a permanent, Italian, dispute resolution skill.

Luigi opened a factory in Bologna catering to clients throughout the country. Business was brisk and Luigi prospered until the tie fell temporarily into disfavor after a short war between Switzerland and Italy. During a critical battle, Prince Toblerone of Switzerland apparently grabbed the Viceroy of Venice by the dickey and yanked him from his gondola. The remaining Italian troops surrendered and were bound up with their own neckties and forced to work as scullery maids until ransomed by their families.

After that the tie lost favor with military and law enforcement types until the middle of the next century when the Dutch inventor Johan Clipon created the clip-on tie.

After that, it became customary for soldiers to rip off each other's clip-on ties during battle. They took these souvenirs home to decorate their trophy rooms. Out of this grew the practice of collecting pennants from favorite football teams and the less honorable practice, later in North American, of relieving one's enemy of his cranial hair follicles.

As we see here, during the reign of Louis the Fourth, one courtier challenged another to a duel by ripping the buttons off his opponent's shirt. The large ruffled cravat became popular with followers of the so-called 'make love not war' faction, as a way to hide their shirt buttons. Incidentally, this is believed to be about the same time the first running shoe was invented.

In the next display we see a sample of the North American string tie, worn my Western Cowboys. These simple yet violent men held the belief that the shoe lace had magic power and could protect them from harm in a shootout. Since cowboy boots have no laces they evolved the practice of wearing one around their neck, whenever they visited the saloon in a new town. The string tie evolved into the bow tie, popular with authors, Sunday school teachers and clowns representing fast food eateries.

The tie reached renewed popularity in the 1960's as you can see in these wide, brightly colored, hand painted specimens. Often called the mating tie, these 8 to 10 inch wide examples were worn by young men hoping to attract one special mate, in an age when women were finding new freedom and shunning the old conventions of monogamy and marriage.

As women once again became available for long term commitment men started to feel more confident about their traditional wardrobe choices. In time, as young people began to settle down and raise families, the wide tie style evolved into a more traditional symbol of male deportment-a style we see here. It is more in keeping with the average guy's daily needs-the ever popular and functional Lobster Bib.

That brings us to our final display. The modern tie is popular with engineers, tax auditors, and undertakers. It is usually medium width, with plain patterns and subdued shades of blue and gray. It sends forth a clear message of conformity and blandness. And as you can see from these final pictures, our current business leaders and politicians all wear the same tie style. Notice that when we cover their faces, you can't tell them apart.

Well that wraps up our tour. Any questions? Yes Madame? Is there any anatomical co-relation between the size of a man's tie and any part of his body? Actually there is. Researchers have discovered that the larger a man's tie, the smaller his brain. So next time you're watching the news, check out the size of the average politician's tie.

Thanks and come again.